Can You Walk Away?
“Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.”
-C.S. LEWIS
What meaning do you attribute to the things you own or your relationships? Be careful not to assign too much meaning to things like a house or car. As Buddha and the masters have taught us, “attachment is the root of suffering;” being able to walk away means you won’t ever get too attached. This does not mean that you can’t enjoy the pleasures of life; it means don’t get attached to them. Being unattached to stuff makes our lives flexible and filled with opportunity. What if you are in a job that you hate? What if you are in a relationship that doesn’t support your well-being? What if you work for an employer that does not respect your right to choose not to take an experimental shot?
Our willingness to walk away can be our ultimate form of caring for ourselves and the other.
I do so if I adopt a new idea or habit because of the potential rewards. New ideas shape the future, and so do habits. Over time, my thoughts expand, improve, and change, and my current habits are replaced by learning and growing new ones. Our readiness to abandon ideas or habits means to let go, grow, and expand; we’re willing to pursue an evolving understanding of ourselves and our world.
If I bring a new relationship into my world, I know it is necessary to earn love and respect. I expect that the other person is willing to leave should I not provide the support and understanding they need. Consequently, we both must work hard to contribute to the growing relationship. We must communicate and remain cognizant of each other’s needs and desires. Above all, we must care. These fundamentals—love, respect, compassion, and communication- are trust's foundation. It sounds paradoxical, but our willingness to walk away strengthens our connection with others. People can walk away, which can be their most respectful and loving choice. For example, a couple gets divorced and remains friends (granted, this choice requires maturity).
Being shackled in any relationship by false loyalty is hypocritical and disingenuous placation.
There are exceptions to this principle—some relationships are not quickly abandoned: a marriage, a child, a business partnership, a career, a passion. The key is to have as few exceptions as possible. Even these exceptions aren’t exceptions. Marriages often end in divorce; children need to be prodigals, business partnerships dissolve, physical limitations develop, and employers force employees to take an experimental jab or fire them. It’s important to see the big picture of a lifetime where people change and new passions are discovered over a lifetime. Even though we might not be able to walk away from some relationships in a heartbeat, we can ultimately leave them when the situations no longer serve us or the other or are harmful.
Everything I allow into my life enters it deliberately. If a fire or an earthquake somehow destroyed my apartment, there’s nothing I own that can’t be replaced. And all the things have no real meaning. Similarly, I’m prepared to walk away from nearly anything, including the people closest to me, if need be. Doing so protects my continued growth and improves my relationships, contributing to a fulfilling, meaningful, happy life. C.S. Lewis says, “Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.” In today’s fear-powered world of hoarding, these words are more valid than ever. You may find yourself in a situation where you must leave a career you love because your employer or industry does not treat you with love and respect.
Take courage. You are not alone. Find the people you need to support you on your journey. You will create a new life that does not ask you to compromise your integrity.