Can You Walk Away?
“Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.”
-C.S. LEWIS
What meaning do you attribute to the things you own or your relationships? With things, like a house or car, be careful you don’t assign too much meaning. As Buddha and the masters have taught us “attachment is the root of suffering;” being able to walk away means you won’t ever get too attached. This does not mean that you can’t enjoy the pleasures of life; it means don’t get attached to them. Being unattached to stuff makes our lives flexible: filled with opportunity. What if you are in a job that you hate? What if you are in a relationship that doesn’t support your well being? What if you work for an employer that does not respect your right to choose not to take an experimental shot?
Our willingness to walk away can be our ultimate form of caring, both for ourselves and the other.
If I decide to take on a new idea or habit, I do so because of the potential rewards. New ideas shape the future, similarly so with habits. Over time my thoughts expand, improve, and change, and my current habits get replaced by new ones that support my learning and growing. Our readiness to abandon ideas or habits means we’re willing to let go and grow and expand; we’re willing to constantly pursue an evolving understanding of ourselves and our world.
If I bring a new relationship into my world, I know it is necessary to earn love and respect. I expect that the other person is willing to leave should I not provide the support and understanding they need. Consequently, we both must work hard to contribute to the growing relationship. We must communicate and remain cognizant of each other’s needs and desires. Above all, we must care. These fundamentals—love, respect, compassion and communication are the foundation to trust. It sounds paradoxical, but our willingness to walk away strengthens our connection with others. People can walk away and this can be the most respectful and loving choice for them. For example, a couple that gets a divorce, and they remain friends (granted this choice requires maturity).
Being shackled in any relationship by false loyalty is hypocritical placation; it is disingenuous.
There are exceptions to this principle—some relationships are not easily abandoned: a marriage, a child, a business partnership, a career, a passion. The key is to have as few exceptions as possible. Even these exceptions aren’t exceptions. Marriages often end in divorce, children need to be prodigals, business partnerships dissolve, physical limitations develop, employers force employees to take an experimental jab or fire them. It’s important to see the big picture of a lifetime where people change, and new passions are discovered over a lifetime. Even though we might not be able to walk away from some relationships in a heartbeat, we can ultimately leave them when the situations no longer serve us or the other or they are harmful.
Everything I allow into my life enters it deliberately. If my apartment was some how destroyed by a fire or an earth quake; there’s nothing I own that can’t be replaced. And all the things have no real meaning. Similarly, I’m prepared to walk away from nearly anything, including the people closest to me, if need be. Doing so protects my continued growth and improves my relationships, both of which contribute to a fulfilling, meaningful and happy life. C.S. Lewis says, “Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.” In today’s world of fear powered hoarding, these words are more true than ever. You may find your self in a situation where you have to leave a career you love because your employer or industry does not treat you with love and respect. Take courage. You are not alone, find the people you need to support you on your journey. You will create a new life that does not ask you to compromise your integrity.